Blue Velvet Box
by Schuyler Lola
Summary: She missed him. A lot. [Rogan]


_I don't own Gilmore Girls. I do, however, own exactly 436 books. You can sue, if you want, but since I'm not making any money off this, it would be futile. And you'd get my books. _

_This is in response to a challenge on Our Little Corner. It has to be about a childhood event…although I've kind of twisted it here, and added it into a recent event. _

_Last but not least…Rogan? What was I thinking? Anyone who knows me knows…well, enjoy._

Blue Velvet Box

_She was six. She was standing in the Stars Hollow Elementary schoolyard, talking with Lane about some book she had been reading. They were in their regular corner, spending recess alone, and they liked it that way. _

_Jeff Thomas approached the pair. He said he wanted to talk to Rory alone. Lane shrugged and picked up the book they had been reading. Rory followed Jeff to another secluded corner of the schoolyard. He got down clumsily on one knee. He asked if she would marry him someday. Rory stared at him, blinking. She didn't know what to say. Her mother hadn't covered this one yet. She panicked. He saw the doubt and held out a ring. It was one you get from a vending machine, those cheap little toy prizes. She stared at it now, and then looked back at his hopeful face. She couldn't say yes. She wanted to – Jeff was _nice _to her, but she couldn't. _

_She offered him a regretful face – as regretful as she could look. "No. I'm sorry."_

"_Okay," he replied. He stuck the ring back into his pocket. "Good-bye, Rory."_

* * *

She wanted to say yes. She wanted the house in San Francisco and Logan and the avocado tree in the backyard.

She wanted every last piece of it. She wanted to wake up in the morning and smell coffee and go out and see Logan reading the paper. She wanted to say, "Good morning, I love you," every day to him. She wanted to keep that excitement and happiness that she felt around him. She wanted to take every one of the ways he made her feel, at one point or another, and treasure them. She wanted to relive each one, over and over again, for the rest of her life.

She said no.

She handed back the box that contained a ring that Logan had probably taken time, lots of time, to pick out. For her. For the future he had envisioned for them.

No one had ever bought a piece of jewellery so beautiful before, for her. Dean had made her the bracelet. Jess was…Jess. Logan had asked her to marry him.

She can't imagine being that shocked, ever again. That terrified. That amazed. Her mother had been crying, because she knew what was coming. Logan had gone to ask Lorelai if he could propose.

He had planned and thought about it and done all that research. He had sown the seed of a life together for them. And she had made him take those seeds right back out of the ground. She felt guilty, but she still said no. No, she didn't want to marry him. No, she didn't want to spend her life with him.

No, she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She wanted to and she didn't want to. She needed him and pushed him away.

She was a mess.

She'd had no time to think. She said no, she prepared for a trip that didn't happen; she got a job and had to leave. And so the world went on. Without Logan.

She had figured out that there were three chapters in her life, thus far. The first involved the old Rory, the good Rory, who was still a kid. The second was the Logan Rory, who did crazy things and got herself into trouble but somehow spun herself back around again. The last was the new Rory, who was the one sitting in an empty, meaningless hotel room, pondering. She was surprised that Logan had taken up so much of her, that he had filled a whole chapter. A short chapter, true, but a chapter nonetheless. She had done a lot of growing up with Logan.

It seemed strange to her, to no longer have him there. His number was still on her speed dial, but it was never called. She had things he'd given her, but she didn't touch them, even though she'd packed them. She wanted to tell him that she was in the midst of her first real job, but she couldn't. He'd have to read it all, instead.

Just like all the other people she used to know.

She didn't think she knew Logan anymore. They were done. Split up. Over. She said no, he said bye. It should've ended right there. They were no longer together, and with that, they had become different people. She didn't know him and he didn't know her.

She still wished he would call. "I'm sorry," he would say. "I was wrong to say all or nothing. I miss you. I can wait. I can wait as long as you want. I love you."

Yeah, nothing but a fairy tale. A fantasy to keep her from cracking. She needed the story to keep her afloat, and she believed it. It was easy to lie to herself. Far easier than it should've been.

She was never good at lying, anyway. But when it came to lying to herself, she was a professional. Denial was an easy game to play at. So she hoped, telling herself it would happen tomorrow. Tomorrow he would call.

There was no Logan box yet. She had left most of it out in the open, sitting in her room at home, waiting for her. It was sitting like it belonged there. It did. She needed it to belong there. If she made another boyfriend box, that would mean that it was over and she couldn't hope anymore.

He had just looked at her when she said no. He had accepted the blue velvet box, placing it inside his blazer.

"Good-bye, Rory," he had said, so simply.

She missed being called 'Ace' the minute said it.

He walked away, leaving her to stand there. He didn't come back the next day.

She missed him. She wanted him back. But she wasn't ready to say yes.

Maybe someday.

She really wanted a chocolate bar.


End file.
